Swifty's Tips On How To Stay Ahead
Issue 1. Rucksacks and why they're wrong.
After a tiring saunter down The Strand I repaired to The Ship and Shovell
for a pint of Badger Ale. Only a few sups in, I was nudged by a rucksack
wearing anorak type, and almost spilt my ale!
I did not recieve an apology, the individual merely turned to beckon at his
equally shabby companion. After this incident I thought it was time to
seperate fact from fiction about the omnipresent eyesore that is the dreaded
Myth; They look cool.
Fact; They look shit. If in any doubt about this, check your reflection in
a shop window as your shuffling down the street in your unconfident,
ne'er do well gait. (all rucksack wearers have the same walk) Any delusions
of cool will be gone. Really cool people, like Jim Morrison,
Johnny Depp and Nicholas Parsons have never been seen with this hideous
back accesorie. Boris Johnson has frequently been pictured donning a rucksack.
And Jeremy Clarckson, probably.
Myth; Rucksacks are convenient.
Fact: Rucksacks are not. Your in London not halfway up Scafell Pike.
For everything you need there will be the requisite emporium within easy reach.
For carrying stuff you use your pockets or your girlfriends handbag. However,
if your a rucksack wearer the latter option is unlikely.
Rucksacks look grubby, even when new, which makes you look grubby.
The time spent attempting to woo a lady will be wasted. A real inconvenience!
Myth; Rucksacks are economic.
Fact; They're not economic because your not visiting the shops. How can you
be contributing to the economy by not spending money in shops? A wallet
is easier to carry.
Cast off your rucksack and feel like a new person! The revolution starts here,
Next issue, Trousers And How To Wear Them.